you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
