Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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