I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
