Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
