i wish my penis had a tongue
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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