just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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