It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
