You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
