if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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