Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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