I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
