She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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