Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
