You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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