We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
