What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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