I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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