Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
