Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
