too bad you live with your parents still
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
