I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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