I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
