i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
