We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
