Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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