Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
