I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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