So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
