Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
