Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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