I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
