Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
