a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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