the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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