I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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