He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
