dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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