Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
