member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
