I just made out with a guy for $7.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
