No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
