i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
