just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
