The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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