Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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