I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
