Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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