his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
