All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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