these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
